DEAD TOOTH CHRONICLES
(Original image by me, post-op)
lucky enough to smile
my gums have fallen off
I need surgery
to replace them
it’ll take 3 hours,
the periodontist tells me,
to cut the skin
from the roof of my mouth
and sew it over the roots
of my teeth
if I don’t get the surgery
for the top
and bottom row
I could lose my teeth
by the age of fifty
“fine,”
I tell him,
“let’s get this thing done”
“with your insurance
that’ll be $4,000,”
the finance lady says
“$4,000?
I don’t have $4,000”
“we could break it up
into payments,
as low as
$600 a month”
“I’ll have to talk it over
with my wife”
“of course”
she hands me
a folder full
of quotes
and pre and post op
instructions
then I leave
my wife’s waiting
in the car
I get in the passenger seat,
and tell her
the price tag
“Jesus Christ!”
she says,
“who has $4,000
lying around
these days?”
“doctors, lawyers,
politicians,”
I say
“only the rich
can keep their teeth,”
she says
and I stare out the window
as she drives,
wondering who
among the people I see
driving and walking
and sitting on porches
and patio tables
are lucky enough
to smile
toothache
toothache’s been bothering me
for the last month
turns out my bottom right wisdom
has a cavity
that reaches the nerve
I’ve been brushing
that fucker with an electric toothbrush
three times a day
I’ve been flossing
after every meal
and I got the damn thing filled
weeks ago
but it broke open anyway
as though I had done nothing
and the doctor gave me a look
and his assistants gave me a look
and the trees outside the window
gave me a look
like I was a lost cause
maybe they were right
not from lack of effort
but a lack of understanding –
that the middle-aged
get fucked more times
than we care to mention –
no matter the effort
no matter the surrounding tragedies
decay hangs,
cracks the enamel
of a once pristine youth
now we’re tucked away
in little offices
with needles stuck in
and hoses sucking away
our insides
but the pain,
the pain is real,
too much to bare
so we lumber forward,
braying like dumb, dying animals
wandering off
alone
once they let me out
of that chair, I went
and made an appointment
for the extraction
my tooth
was all I had left
to give
cavities
another tooth is aching
top right wisdom tooth,
I think
it comes to life
as I drink my morning coffee,
shouting,
threatening pain
if bothered again
but I take another sip
it’s simply a matter of time
until the dentist pulls
that one
out of me
too
another cavity
on the side
or down
at the root
one,
he told me,
that could not
be filled
there are cavities
all over me
at my age
some
in my mouth,
sure
but most
in the mind,
where memories
and dreams
ache
in murderous fashion
but cannot be
filled
or
pulled
by anyone
so I take another sip,
let the pain
and the warmth
wash over me
better to be
awake
than asleep
as the predawn light
comes crawling
towards me
wisdom
tooth,
be
damned