LEFT AT THE DOOR

(Original Image by Matteo Catanese)

I forget myself, who I am and what I’m doing. Intention is often thrown out the window, and I slide from one moment to the next, one goal, one aspiration to the next. I’m not sure to what or whom I owe the honor, but I am Chaos incarnate, conscience mostly intact…

It is a new year. Science-fiction in action. Though the flying cars and teleportation are noticeably absent, overshot by a century or two. Meanwhile, the world is pretty much the same, the day to day, all that. There’s nothing transformative, no great epiphany waiting around the corner, just people and asphalt.

Mandi and I spent a couple hours today buying two new front tires for our Sonata… I say “our” but what I really mean is “her”. I haven’t driven that thing in months, not because the car is lacking, but because I loathe driving in general. I spent the better part of five years driving and delivering pizza for a living. So, I feel I’ve driven enough for a lifetime.

Anyway, we bought two new tires for “our” Sonata, and the teller said it would take an hour, so we walked across the parking lot in the rain to a nearby Denny’s. The ambiance was great in there: a general bustling of waitresses and cooks, a low din of conversation from the patrons, and not a mask in sight. It was as though the virus never existed in there. The seating was socially distanced, every other booth and table, but the vibe was brazen, fearless, and when the tire place called us a half hour later, I didn’t want to leave. Yes, it was good to have a moment alone with Mandi and a belly full of coffee and a breakfast sampler, but there was more to it. It was as though all fear had been left at the door. It was as though, finally, we were allowed to live our lives openly, without fear of reprisal.

Eventually, we did leave. The tires worked beautifully, gripping the wet streets like never before as we whipped around corners and accelerated up and down the streets of Fair Oaks on our way to retrieve Alex from her parents.

It was a good day.

For dinner, I cooked salmon, rice, steamed some vegetables, and we opened a Helwig Barbera with plenty of body to chew on through the evening. It’s odd in those moments of leisure, sitting there, drinking and watching television. I can’t help but feel like I'm wasting my time, but also that it is absolutely necessary. To have the opportunity to relax and think of nothing - not politics, finances, or existentialism - is a luxury. And the world and all its complexities suddenly seem ridiculous, and they melt away like butter… if only for a moment.