SPIRITUAL CALM
(Original Image by Erwann Letue)
I can't quite explain it, but tonight I felt spiritual calm. It was a warm, easy feeling, completely absent of care or desire. And sitting in it, miring through it with a dopey smile, wine glass swirling between my fingers, I thought to myself, I would like to stay here until the end of time. There was no need for friends or relatives or social media connections. This was a genuine, traditional ascendance into nirvana, if only for an evening.
It began with a stressful day at work. It wasn't that I was disrespected or made to feel inadequate, I just felt like I didn't belong. Then, after work, I prepared a salmon dinner with mushroom rice and steamed vegetables. We had a good bottle of Hedwig Barbera left over from the weekend. And we drank and ate slowly, mixing the flavors upon our palate, one bite after the other, and suddenly we were taken away, floating high above the grey skyscrapers of downtown, far above the jobs and the bosses and the responsibilities, enjoying the food and wine before us. Until tonight, I never thought paradise could be so easily obtained, so obvious, yet there it was in front of us.
After dinner, we continued sipping our wine and watched television — our favorite cooking shows — as Mandi leaned against me, and Alex banged ferociously on the xylophone he had received for his first birthday. The little bugger turned three last Saturday… And we watched and drank and drooled over the food being prepared, and we talked here and there about buying a house with a big kitchen for me, a big yard for Alex, and a space for Mandi to raise chickens. It’d be nice if we found a place around Sacramento proper, but I was open to other ideas. My only condition was that there had to be something going on in the area, preferably a bar within walking distance and a geological personality that didn't scream Anytown, Mini Mall, USA. Give me the city, the beach, the trees, wine country. Anything but the bland roads along the bland shops along the flat horizon. No thanks.
I told Mandi I would get a second job to afford the down payment on a house in a couple years. I had my mind set on barback. I love bars, love the culture, the majority of the clientele. I love the creative aspect of mixing drinks, both simple and exotic, and honing those skills for my own selfish use. Hahaha. Mandi pointed out working at a bar would give me ample writing material, and I agreed with her. I felt warm and elated, tipsy even, at the thought of working hard for a better future. No more depending on friends or chemicals to fill the gaps in my soul. No more imploring the affection and/or recognition of the ever-receding father figure. No. As long as there are nights like these, all I’ll need is my wife, my son, and a bottle of Amador’s finest.
I can do this.
